Breastfeeding didn’t work for me: A CityMom’s story
“Do you plan on breastfeeding?”
As a first-time mom, I was asked by family, friends, and even random people at Target who saw me looking at diapers. The answer at the time was simple - I’m going to try.
Image courtesy of Curious Courtney’s Photography
Breastfeeding seemed to be the logical choice. It would be a great way for me to bond with my son, my milk had healthy benefits for him, and my family wouldn’t have to spend money on formula.
I didn’t realize until after my son was born how hard it would be just to try. Even with the breastfeeding experts on call at the hospital, I had a hard time getting him to latch. I quickly switched to pumping and bottle feeding. We got into a routine. Every three hours I would pump and he would take a bottle. Three more hours passed, and we’d do it again. And again. And again. Even though my production levels went up and I was starting to save a little milk every day, I was starting to wear. I was tired.
Like many parents in the United States, my husband had to use personal and sick time to take off work. After three weeks it was just me and our son. My husband is also a baseball coach and our son was born just before the season started, leaving me alone most days.
At my son’s two-month appointment, we found out he was lactose intolerant. I needed to switch up my diet in order to keep feeding him. Looking back it seemed like such a simple request considering I already didn’t have much dairy in my diet. But at that moment, I couldn’t. I had given up my body and my sleep, my hormones were all over the place, and I felt angry most of the time. I had nothing else to give.
Image courtesy of Curious Courtney’s Photography
We switched to formula and it thankfully worked for him. He is healthy, happy, and even a little tall for his age group. It also worked for me. I had come to resent pumping. I felt chained to my pump and as if it was a full-time job. And for the average woman, it is. Breastfeeding takes up about 1800 hours in a year, whereas working a 40-hour week is 1,960 hours annually.
When I stopped pumping, a weight lifted off of me.
I didn’t know until months later how much breastfeeding and pumping had affected me. I was tired, alone, angry, and anxious. It all fueled my self-diagnosed Post-Partum Depression (PPD) and breastfeeding was the cherry on top. While giving up breastfeeding and pumping didn’t cure my PPD, it helped significantly.
CityMom Britny recommends:
Now that I’m pregnant with our second kid, the question I’m asked is, “Will I try to breastfeed again?” The answer is - maybe. Really the question should be, “Will I lose myself in an effort to breastfeed?” No. I need to be physically, emotionally, and mentally there for my kids and if giving up breastfeeding is what keeps me sane then that’s what I’ll do. Their health and mine are the priority.
If you feel lost, angry, and depressed after giving birth then please advocate for yourself. Don’t wait until the six-week checkup to speak up. If you’re still experiencing PPD symptoms after that make an appointment to be seen. If they don’t listen then find another doctor, like I did.
