Moms with Pride: Krisztina Inskeep and loving the kid you get
Editor Note: In honor of Pride, theCityMoms will feature the incredible moms (and orgs they rep) who work tirelessly to advocate for and support LGBTQ+ people. In this series, we hope you get to know them and make the most of their suggestions to be a better ally not just in June, but throughout the year.
Meet Krisztina Inskeep: mom and Co-Founder of Gender Expansive Kids & Co
When her child told her that they were transgender, Krisztina Inskeep wanted to learn more and get involved. Eventually, she and Melissa Bickel started Gender Expansive Kids & Co (GEKCO), a support group for families with transgender children. Read on to find out more about Krisztina, GEKCO, and the life-changing work that they do. (And she even shared some ways that you can too!)
Gender Expansive Kids and Company founder, Krisztina Inskeep
Tell us more about the origins of GEKCO, and your family’s story.
I was a teacher before I had kids, and I love that as a parent (and now with GEKCO) I get to put that developmental knowledge to use even though I’m no longer teaching in a classroom. My husband and I have five kids, and when the fourth started emulating their older brothers and asking to be a boy, I had no idea then what it meant to be transgender. They had difficulties as they grew, and felt like they were going through the wrong puberty. I felt like I was a progressive parent, who did everything I could to help their anxiety and depression, but we hadn’t yet hit on the root cause. When they were in high school, they found the language to explain that they were transgender. They were in a private religious school then, and the school refused to call them by their new legal name. It was a really trying and traumatic year for them, with students protesting on their behalf and teachers threatened with termination if they supported them. They did eventually get to graduate as themself, with their legal name.
After that, I became involved in Indiana Youth Group (IYG) to learn more. While I was on their board, IYG kept getting calls from families with younger kids - families wanting to know where to go, and what to do. People think gender identity and sexual orientation are intertwined, but sexual orientation is usually evident later in life. Gender identity often becomes clear to us much earlier, between 3-5 years old. IYG asked if I’d start a group for younger kids, so Melissa and I started GEKCO six and a half years ago. It is a peer-led, monthly support group for the whole family - connecting families with each other and resources.
Krisztina and GEKCO advocate for the rights of transgender and gender expansive children.
We love that GEKCO fills such an important need for families! Tell us more about GEKCO’s purpose and your dream for it in the future.
When we started GEKCO, we felt alone in Indiana. We happened to find a therapy group for parents, run by two therapists in training, and it was there that we found other parents! Right away when we started GEKCO, we had a couple of dozen parents attending, and there are over 150 families on the mailing list now. We vet all prospective members to keep the group safe.
We hold monthly meetings, do lots of advocacy, and connect people with resources. Every month, we have new families attending. I love that dads in particular get to meet other dads - often, things for kids are just moms attending. We’ve also had grandparents attend, or other relatives - we want to make sure all needs in the family are met. This camaraderie and connection mean so much to parents of trans and gender-expansive kids.
I’ve been intentional about keeping GEKCO independent because I want to be welcoming to all types of families from all demographics, but I do want to expand the leadership beyond just Melissa and myself. Ultimately, I want to make it what the parents want it to be, and I want to be here as long as parents want us.
RELATED READING - Meet Shelly Snider: mom and Executive Director of Indy Pride
You were later on in the hands-on parenting years when your child told you they were transgender, but have your experiences with GEKCO shaped how you parented or grandparented?
I am much more aware now of nuances in the way kids present who they are. We have one younger kid than our trans kid, so I was more aware and open about her gender identity and her sexual orientation. She could be anything, and we’d love her no matter what. We do have two grandchildren, and it’s made me aware (of gender identity) earlier on, so it’s helped me love, accept, and encourage them - no matter who they are.
Melissa Bickel (left) and Krisztina (right) strive to support and connect families with gender expansive children.
Obviously, there’s a lot of focus on LGBTQIA+ organizations during June, but what can we do as allies to support families year-round?
Be aware of other families, and the tapestry of humanity that we have around us.
Put a stop to talk that puts down others - “we don’t talk about others that way.” If we’re kind to others, then we’re not harming others.
Spread the kindness, and don’t allow the harmful things, the pejorative things to pass. Don’t let teasing get out of hand in your own home - sometimes we make jokes, and we don’t stop the ones that are hurtful. If we can stop them in our own circle, our friend circle, and our community, we can lessen the ones that hurt, denigrate, or bully others.
We as young parents have visions and dreams for our kids, visions of what our family will look like. We have life dreams, and life has a way of throwing us a curve. The thing I wish people would do is to remain centered on what's important: our job is to love and nurture our kids, and you have to love the kid you get, even if it’s not the kid you thought you’d get. Then we can be a little more open to their interests, and who they are.