Getting closer when we are socially distant
It’s been nearly a decade since I packed up my office, placing picture frames, awards, plants, and mementos in a box and began my new life as a remote worker. I had visions of flexible schedules, working in yoga pants, mid-day lunches with friends, and never worrying about who would be home to let in the repair guy. What I didn’t anticipate was the echo of isolation that comes with working from home. My last in-office job was as a university administrator and my life was a constant barrage of student appointments, upper-level administration meetings, parent phone calls, and night and weekend activities. As an ambivert {I vacillate between extraversion and introversion}, I thought working from home would allow me the best of both worlds.
In those first months I quickly discovered that water cooler talk does a lot for the soul and builds coworker relationships. I could go days at a time without seeing another person, save for my husband who I babbled incessantly at the second he walked in the door. I missed the human connections found inside those office walls, and learned no one can thrive in a vacuum.
Since social distancing swept through Indy this past week, I’ve watched as every introvert has exclaimed their lifelong preparation for staying home, knowing their story will soon change. Even the most introverted person thirsts for connection, for humanity. But how do we get closer when we are social distancing?
Find your crew
Think of your social circle, however big or small, who uplifts you, who challenges you, who can you vent to? Whether you’re a large crew that schedules ‘girls’ night out’ via Zoom and a glass of wine from your beds, to a steady stream of filter laden Snapchats to your bestie, make technology your friend and maintain those connections. When I first started remote work, I set a monthly date night with a friend from across the country. We set our tables, lit a candle, had a glass of wine and chatted over Skype while we ate dinner. There were times where I felt like she was in the room with me and we weren’t 600 miles apart.
Check in with your friends, and find ways to brighten their days. Play a game online together {I’m open to any Words with Friends challenge @LPEFF}, text while you’re shame binging Love is Blind on Netflix {am I dumber for watching this?}, send letters the old fashion way, start a meme war. Whatever you do, get creative and have fun. But make space there to express the anxiety this unprecedented situation has created for us all. We are all harboring fears about the future and talking to someone can lighten the burden. Take those conversations with friends deeper than just the 'craziness' of a pandemic. Let's dig deeper and share how this is mentally, emotionally, physically affecting us. Lean on those friends and let them lean on you.
Connect the kids
It’s been four days since my kindergartener was in school and he’s already pining for his bestie, whining about the fact that they can’t get together and play. As I’m commiserating with his bestie’s mama over our kids’ shared misery, she suggested we let them send videos to each other throughout the day. As a result, they have spent the last day reading books to one another, showcasing toys, demonstrating yoga moves, and being silly little boys. It may not be the same as an afternoon of roughhousing, but I can see it is lifting my son’s spirits and letting him feel comfort from connection with his buddy.
Today, a neighbor posted in our community Facebook group that each family with kids could decorate a shamrock to hang in their window, so when we are taking our own kids around the neighborhood we can have a scavenger hunt looking for the shamrocks. Even though we don’t know all the families, we instantly felt a sense of connection with one another as we worked together to create an experience, and my kids have never been so excited to walk the dog!
Help your kiddos find a way to connect with their crew as well. It is harder for those littles who don't yet have access to texting and social media. Don't forget their struggles in losing their social structures as we pull back.
Lean on your community
The most beautiful thing I’ve seen happen as a result of Covid-19 is the community response to helping others Whether it be the suggestion to purchase gift cards to restaurants, or sending kids’ art to retirement communities, the stocking of little libraries with food and toilet paper, to the neighbors driving supplies to those in need, this has given me hope we aren’t all a bunch of Charmin hoarders.
Friday morning, like many of you, I panicked, realizing we were out of milk. I made the mad dash to Target hoping to find some {spoiler alert, I didn’t}. I was feeling a weird sense of nerves and frustration as I was leaving the store, trying to figure out my next move. I was in my own head, worried about my own family and I almost walked right by her. Struggling in front of me was a fellow mom trying to push her cart of dog food and diapers to the car while pleading with her tantruming toddler. Something told me to stop, to help. I put my hand on her arm and said, “I’m going to push your cart to your car for you.” It was simple, not a big deal, but in that moment, she was alone and frustrated and scared. Dozens of shoppers walked past, everyone focused on their own fears, nerves, concerns. But the truth is, we are all concerned about the same things. I gave her something she needed, not to feel alone.
My heart is warmed to see the suggestions about how to help others. Reach out where you can and lend a hand, but also don’t feel afraid to accept support when its needed. That sense of support can prevent us from feeling alone during a surreal experience.
Enjoy the crowd experience… remotely
Have you noticed the numerous theatres, zoos, museums, performers, etc. who are offering free online experiences? At first, I thought, “That’s nice, but who is really going to watch opera performances online?” But here we are on our first day of homeschooling and I decided to log on to do a science experiment with The Children’s Museum this morning and to watch precious Fiona the Hippo at the Cincinnati Zoo both through via Facebook Live videos. I’m not big on digital connections in everyday life, but now it is so much more important. I realized while logging on to these experiences that I felt a sense of community just knowing there were hundreds of other families, just like mine, sitting down in front of a screen and watching a bag of baking soda and vinegar explode or cooing at Fiona’s adorable little snout. We were having a shared experience in more ways than one and I felt better. Even after my kids wandered off, I found myself reading the comments of the other viewers, wanting to deepen my experience with them.
So, watch that Dropkick Murphy’s St. Patrick’s Day concert, do an online group fitness class, visit the zoo virtually. Even if your body is stuck at home, your mind does not have to be.
Finally, if you are struggling with isolation, seek the support you need. I was thrilled to see a friend share this week that she wasn't OK. As an extrovert, not leaving the house has been exceptionally difficult, and rather than struggle needlessly, she recognized she needed help. A quick call to her doctor and she was able to get back on her anti-anxiety medication. Recognizing our own limitations is important. None of us can do it all, and right now we have been asked to shoulder a major burden. So take those steps to care for yourself, reach out your hand digitally, and use your community to make it through.
