I'm adopted. This is my story.
November is Adoption Awareness Month. Though this happens every year, it’s not something I think a lot about, even though I am adopted. It doesn’t often come up in conversation. In fact, a couple years ago I mentioned it in passing to friend of mine and she was shocked, because she didn’t know and has known me almost my entire life.
When I was little, I used to think about adoption often.
I would beg my mom to tell me the story of how she adopted me almost every day at lunch. It was my favorite story, to hear about how she and my dad really wanted a baby. She told me they called the doctor and the doctor arranged to have them come to the hospital to take me home. She would talk about how they chose me and that it was one of the happiest days of her life. I loved hearing that story. When I was that age, whenever I thought about my birth mother, I assumed that she was probably a princess locked up in a tower and therefore was unable to raise me, you know, due to those circumstances. It was a closed adoption so I had no evidence to the contrary, and as a 5 year old, I found that explanation understandable. So I left it at that and did not think much more about it. Growing up, my parents loved my brother and I equally. The fact that I was adopted didn’t change our family much at all. For example, no one refers to my mom as my “adopted” mom or me as her “adopted” daughter. I am her daughter. She is my mom. Full stop. It turns out that is no right or wrong way to form a family and families can be happy and fulfilled in different ways. Now that I am older, I realize that the circumstances surrounding my birth mother’s decision were unlikely to have involve a princess locked in a tower and were probably for reasons that a 5 year old would not comprehend.
Either way, I grew up in a loving and stable home.
I honestly believe that my entire life turned out differently because of the one decision that my birth mother made. I think of that as her gift to me. Because being a mom myself now, I know that decision did not come easy but I am grateful for her sacrifice.
Each adoptee feels differently about his/her adoption experience.
I can only speak for me and I’m not sure if my experience is typical, but it is my own. In the age of “23 and Me” it seems like many people are seeking out biological family members. In fact, many times, when I tell people that I am adopted, they ask me if I want to find my “real” family. I usually look confused and then quickly realize that they must mean biological because for me, there is no “real” family to find. I am with my real family. My real family is the mom and dad who raised me, who stayed up all night with me when I was sick, who cheered me on for every volleyball game I played, who worked hard every day of their lives to put me through college, who walked me down the aisle at my wedding and who were at the hospital when each of my daughters were born. My real family is my brother, my aunts and uncles and cousins that I grew up with, who I share childhood memories and family traditions with, even if I don’t share genetics with them. For me, to say that the only family that I have ever known is not the “real” one is both hurtful and lacks understanding of what adoption means.
WE'RE STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS READ: Finding identity when you are adopted
During Adoption Awareness Month, it’s important to keep in mind that loving families can be formed in many ways. A good friend of mine and her husband are already parents to 3 wonderful kids, and recently they began the process of adopting two children that are in their care through the foster system. One of the two children is a little boy who is now a 2 year old. My friend and her family have loved and cared for him since he was 6 months old. The first week that he and his sister arrived, my friend handed him to me so I could hold him. He began to cry and reach for her like any baby would do for his mom. I was surprised because I thought since he had only been there a few days he would be happy to be held by any adult. But a bond had already started to form. He believed she was his mom then and to this day he still does. And you know what? We can all learn a lot from a child. Because he's right. She is.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Cynthia Holladay is a former state air quality inspector turned Stay-at-Home mom to 3 precious girls. She was named Mom of the Year in 2017 by Fishers Magazine.When she is not busy explaining to strangers in public that yep, her hands are full, Cynthia is obsessing over true crime stories, playing trivia, or drinking chardonnay and eating tiramisu.
