Moms with Pride: Support thru music with Laura VanderHaeghen
Editor Note: In honor of Pride, theCityMoms will feature the incredible moms (and orgs they rep) who work tirelessly to advocate for and support LGBTQ+ people. In this series, we hope you get to know them and make the most of their suggestions to be a better ally not just in June, but throughout the year.
Meet Laura VanderHaeghen: mom, musician, and ally.
As a musician and middle school band director, becoming part of Pride of Indy Bands was an effortless extension of Laura VanderHaeghen’s incredible talent. Laura plays multiple instruments and assists the director, Chris Forsythe, in conducting the ensemble band. Aside from teaching and volunteering, Laura is also a mom and superstar wife. The initial decision to join the band was a deeply personal tribute to a friend in the LGBTQ+ community who was lost to targeted violence. Laura described her friend’s love for being part of Pride of Indy Bands and she knew the best way to honor his legacy was to do something she already loves: play and conduct music. Laura and other band members were able to heal from their loss through music while lifting the LGBTQ+ community.
Laura VanderHaeghen of Pride of Indy Bands
It sounds like you have your plate full between teaching, mom-ing, and volunteering. Can you tell us how being a parent in this community has influenced you?
I have an 8-year-old daughter and I want her to see all of this. I want her to see how we’re supposed to support all of the people in our lives and our community. I want my daughter to know that I will always support her no matter what or who comes into her life. And I want both of my children to know that our family will extend the same respect to all people, regardless of being in the LGBTQ+ community. We live in Washington Township in a diverse community and I want my children to be accepting of anyone who comes into their lives.
We agree a lot of those conversations need to start at home. It sounds like you’re really harboring a safe space for acceptance.
I see friends in the LGBTQ+ community wanting to expand their families and become parents. I want to be there as a support for them because they often don’t have that kind of support. It’s a unique process that I didn’t have to go through, but I am a mom, and I can at least support and help them with that. And as a tuned-in ally, I can see what they are going through and offer emotional support as needed. I want to be on the end of the spectrum of people that supports LGBTQ+ families, and I want my children to see that and be part of that as well. I take them to the Pride Parade and they attend performances. I want them to see how much fun I have as a part of a community that allows people to be themselves.
Laura with her two kiddos, Cece and Gus
We love that you include your children in the things that are important to you, including the parade, which features the Pride of Indy Marching Band - can you tell us more about Pride of Indy Bands?
I’d love to tell everyone about this! I’m so appreciative of the opportunity to highlight our organization. It has been a big part of my life and has allowed me to grow as a person, influence my children, and helped me heal from the tragedy of losing my close friend who I initially became a member of the band with. The best way for me to describe our band is that it’s an explosion of humanity. Pride of Indy Bands is a diverse community that started in 2005. Everyone is welcome. You do not need to identify as any particular part of the LGBTQ+community as long as you’re supportive of everyone. We perform shows all year long with our various bands and rehearsals take place at Marian University (which is very supportive of our mission). This is a place where people can come to express themselves. I myself am married to a man, but I am an ally of the community. You will find a wide range of people within all of the bands.
Wait, you mean Pride of Indy Bands is more than one band?
Oh yes! We have several bands and activities for members of all interests that perform regularly and are always in need of volunteers:
Concert Band
Jazz Band
Pep Band (they play at various sporting events!)
Marching Band (no high-stepping here, they glide and walk – don’t worry - we checked!)
If instruments aren’t your thing, they also have a Visual Ensemble program.
RELATED READING - Meet Krisztina Inskeep, Co-Founder of Gender Expansive Kids & Co.
Wow, there are so many possibilities to be a part of this wonderful organization, how often do you hold auditions?
There are absolutely no auditions! Just show up! It is important to know that you don’t have to be “good” (musically speaking) to be in any of our bands. We frequently have new members come that have not picked up their instruments since high school. There is a learning curve but we don’t care and are happy to help them relearn. What is important is that they are there, supporting this cause. The only requirement is allyship. You need to support everyone in our community and in our band.
Members of the Pride of Indy Bands
Most people associate supporting the LGBTQ+ community with the month of June. Can you share ways we can offer support all year round?
I think the most important thing an ally can do is show that you are an accepting human being no matter what month it is. Even something as simple as wearing a rainbow pin can foster discussions among people you see and this leads to powerful understanding and change. As a teacher, I make sure my students know that I am an ally. I think it allows them to feel more comfortable being around me no matter what may be going on in their lives. This does not mean that students openly come to me to discuss their sexuality, but they feel more relaxed and see me as a person that they can be themselves around. That is the most important lesson in all of this. Everyone should be welcome to be themselves. So as an ally, allowing that expression to happen around you without judgment is critical.
Another quick reminder about Pride of Indy bands performing year-round: Attending allows the public to support the LGBTQ+ community during holiday performances, a time when many in the community don’t feel they have the support they need. You don’t have to attend a show, but on those days when you’re giving financial support to organizations during the holidays, don’t forget about our band. Donations help us continue our efforts.
Pride of Indy Marching Band participates in the Indy Pride parade annually
Organizations like Pride of Indy Bands foster a safe space for all musicians to express themselves while also supporting the LGBTQ+ community. Laura highlighted all the great ways Pride of Indy Bands has influenced her own life and the way she both parents and supports the community.
