“Mommy needs wine,” a CityMom’s story
Editor’s Note: This piece is simply one mom’s experience with alcohol and the pervasive “mommy wine culture.” We thank Claire for sharing her vulnerable story with us.
The all too familiar tinny sounds of Cocomelon rang in my ears. It was only 5:43 AM. I shut my eyes tighter against the headache building behind them.
Was it the music?
The early wake-up call?
Or, the fact that the early wake-up call and the music had become our routine? My toddler, rising at the crack of dawn ready to go, and me, clicking on the television and laying on the couch in hopes of just a few more winks of sleep.
Or, was it the two (or three?) glasses of wine last night?
The wine had also become routine.
A nightly ritual developed over my twenties. I was a food and wine girl, having majored in Hospitality and studied abroad in Europe. Wine tasting and appreciation were part of my education. Armed with knowledge and expertise, I was now a part-time food blogger and full-time sales rep at a food service company, a role that required wine-ing and dining potential clients. When I added “Mom of two” to my resume, it also seemed to require more (and more) wine at home.
Was this headache combined with irritability and a dry mouth actually… a daily hangover?
To me, problematic drinking looked like a man drinking in the morning, straight out of a paper-bagged bottle. My daily glasses of wine were not a part of that picture. They were sophisticated – elevating my culinary experiences - and more importantly, they were self-care!
But, was not being able to rise with my children a problem? Was a daily headache…ok, hangover…a problem?
Nursery rhymes played as I consented to this reality:
I couldn’t start the day like this anymore.
I may not have looked like my own stereotype of someone with an alcohol problem, but in this situation, it sure wasn’t providing any solutions. The thing is, is that for so long, it has been packaged as the solution.
If you search for “mommy wine” merchandise on Etsy, you will find thousands of shirts, hats, tumblers, and glasses adorned with cute sayings like, “Wine: It’s like duct tape. It fixes everything.” A trip to Target will remind you to “Rose all day!” Gift guides for moms include glasses etched with “Mommy’s time out,” enforcing the idea of a break from the pressures of mothering. Even a commercial for Campbell's soup (soup!) shows a mom reaching for a can of tomato and a bottle of red in preparation for a snow day.
Everywhere we turn, the message is “Mama needs a glass of wine” and that it is fine and normal to self-soothe with alcohol.
What this mama really needed was to be able to get out of bed in the 5 AM hour, fresh, rested, and ready to go.
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It wasn’t a “rock bottom” moment, big and dramatic like my mind told me a true problem with alcohol would be. There was so much I couldn’t control: stress at home and work, the noise of the outside world, the pressure of parenting, 5AM wake-up calls; but, there was one thing I could: This. Me.
That morning was five years ago. Now, most days, I wake up bright and early. So much has changed, and yet I am not sober. This isn’t a story of perfection, but that was never the point. It was about finding a better solution. It was about taking better care of myself and being clear about my actual needs.
Because despite what the “mommy wine” culture would have us believe, a cocktail isn’t self-care. It isn’t what I need. Self-care is making time for yourself, taking a walk, or going to bed early. It’s doing the things that bring value to your life.
The best self-care I ever did was evaluating my relationship with alcohol.
Everyone’s relationship with alcohol is unique and maybe determining what you really need is the best gift to give yourself this year.
