5 ways to be a more empathetic mom
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When kids’ emotional reactions seem over the top (how dare you give them the blue cup?!), it can be hard to be empathic when you want to yell, “It’s just a cup!” We’ve got a few quick ways you can use to connect with your kids empathetic in those challenging moments.
Here are 5 ways to be a more empathetic mom:
1. Notice your thoughts.
We may have been conditioned in our childhood to "judge" emotional reactions. Do the phrases, "It's not a big deal, "why are you so upset over nothing?" or “don’t be dramatic” sound familiar? Be alert for instinctual thoughts that pop up when your kid is having a hard time. They may be your own parent or guardian creeping in.
Ask yourself: Are these judgments actually helpful, or are just habitual? Take a few seconds to see the situation as it is, without judgment, and allow yourself to be present with your child’s strong feelings.
2. Prioritize you.
If you want to be empathic with your kids and raise empathic littles, you must show just as much empathy toward yourself. In her book Good Inside, Dr. Becky reminds us during challenging moments to repeat, "I'm a good mom having a hard time." And in those trying moments, it's always okay to step away and collect yourself before returning to attend to your child.
3. Validate.
Yes, it's just a remote control, and no, the world won't end if his sister holds it for the next 10 minutes - but your son may feel like the world is ending.
For example: Instead of telling him, it's not a big deal, try describing what you see and hear: "You really don't want to give up the remote. I can see how upset you are." Verbalizing his experience in this way shows that you recognize his feelings and that expressing them is okay.
4. Focus.
We know, mama, it's hard to see our kiddos struggling. But the best way to prepare them for the full spectrum of feelings that come with life is to sit with them in the emotional moments.
For example: Is your kiddo upset they didn't make the basketball team, or is their bestie better at math? Focus on helping them accept the feelings instead of trying to make them go away. Show them it's okay to acknowledge those tough feelings and remind them it's okay to fail!
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5. Be curious.
When kids are upset or apathetic, being bombarded with questions can add to the overwhelm and cause them to close themselves off. As moms, we want to know what’s going on with our kids! Resist the urge to get the whole story, and instead get curious about their emotional experience.
Try this: Sit next to them during a tough time and try something simple like "You're really upset. You're so sad you don't want to talk about it." It may or may not get them talking, but they will feel less alone in their feelings and feel accepted as they are in that moment.
For more on empathetic parenting, here are some accounts our CityMoms love on Insta:
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Psst… theCityMoms are an Amazon affiliate. We may earn commissions for qualifying purchases, but these do not affect our opinions or recommendations.
