A love letter to Black moms
Dani and her children, Jace and Dessy.
Hi,
I’m Dani - a Black, single mom in America, and that comes with a special set of circumstances. I have two children, Dessy (14) and Jace (7), and I am guilty of trying to do it ALL on my own. I hate asking for help; for some reason, it gives me a feeling of shame. I feel so much pride and strength in doing things on my own, even if it leaves me stressed and mentally exhausted. I know you mamas can relate. Black women rarely ask for help and we tend to be honored by doing everything on our own - we were taught to pray about it and “it will get better.”
Too often, we are labeled as “strong,” when in reality it is a type of survival mode.
We are treated like everyone’s savior and often sacrifice our own wants and needs to please others. Encouraging self-care and self-love in a country that doesn’t always make that easy is an uphill battle itself. But I have quickly learned that by taking care of myself first, I can show up as the best mother and role model for my children.
Black women need therapy, honestly, everyone does.
In 2015, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration found that, during a four-year period, Black women only used mental health services at the rate of 10% compared to 21% of white women and 15% of other women of color. Another study showed that 63% of Black people “believe that a mental health condition is a sign of personal weakness.” But I believe that we can do better by shedding the shame of going to therapy. The women in my family and community are changing the narrative surrounding seeking help and not being ashamed of it.
In 2018 I started therapy but I only attended three sessions. I cried at every single session and it was just too much for me. I wondered, “when is the crying going to stop so the healing can begin?” I had cried enough at home, hiding in my closet so that my kids wouldn’t hear or see me. I have since gone back and yes, there are still tears but I am healing. I am growing and my life has changed tremendously since doing so.
I know now, that crying is healing and suppressing is destruction.
Black women can manifest amazing experiences. We can speak love and light into our lives. But most importantly…we can ask for help. We are all a work in progress, even me. We can do this because we deserve joy, peace, and happiness.
With love,
Dani
MORE INFO: Therapy For Black Girls is an online space dedicated to encouraging the mental wellness of Black Women and Girls. The site connects you to their amazing podcast and allows you to search for therapists who are women of color in your area.
