It's time to stop feeling shame about our periods
It couldn’t have been worse timing. I got my first period. My mother, never the coddler, mandated I accompany her to the drug store to acquire feminine products- every moment was a teachable moment to her. Normally, I could have slunk along with my mom as we picked out pads, hoping people thought they were for her. But no, my mom was 7 months pregnant and waddling through the store with red-faced me darting along the aisles hoping no one from school saw me. The shame I felt from having my period was palpable.
That period shame continued throughout my teens. I remember spending a weekend at my Dad’s house {my parents are divorced} and wrapping toilet paper around the crotch of my panties in a makeshift pad when I started my period. I was too humiliated at the thought of asking him to take me to the store and buy me feminine products. As a parent, I reflect on that now and think what a disservice is done to so many girls who don’t feel empowered to talk to their parents about their bodies and bodily functions.
What I didn’t know then, was that unexplained shame surrounding menstruation would follow me throughout my life. I still discretely hide a tampon up my sleeve {damn women’s clothes with no pockets!} or whisper to a friend if I’m in need of supplies, worried someone may overhear. I recall hiding tampons from boyfriends or secretly getting up early to change my overnight pad before he could wake up and see me in it.
This month, as I’ve been reading our pieces on Period Poverty and the Tampon Tax, I’ve begun to question why we have been taught to feel shame about menstruation. What Puritanical past has seeped into my consciousness to make me hide a basic bodily function, as every man I know is happy to fart and adjust his testicles publicly on a daily basis? Worse yet, our period shame prevents valuable conversations from happening around important issues like period poverty and the tampon tax. If we feel uncomfortable, how do you think male legislators {and in Indiana that's the vast majority} feel talking about it? It's time to cut the stigma.
I recall reading a book called The Year of Living Biblically, where a humor columnist decided to live all the edicts in the Old Testament for a year and hilariously documented his experiences. One such edict mandated he could not sit on unclean surfaces {translation, he can’t sit on a surface a menstruating woman has sat on}. My brain burst on fire at the thought of being considered unclean for something I couldn’t control. The author’s ever-patient, and deliciously vindictive wife would go through their apartment on the first day of her period and sit on every chair in the house so he could only use the floor for the remainder of her cycle. That was the first time I had seen a woman being unapologetically female.
WHILE WE ARE TALKING PERIODS: Save the planet and check out our guide on reusable feminine products
There’s a conversation happening throughout our country to normalize the female experience, included menstruation. And while it may be too late for an old gal like me to really feel the impact, I do think the change begins with us, and how we talk to our daughters and sons about periods. Just last night, I was changing and my son noticed my period-stained underwear {seriously, we all have these, right?} and asked, “Gross! Did you poop your pants?” I felt myself back in that drug store with my mom, confronted with my period shame. And then I shook my head and sat my 6-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter down and talked to them about menstruation. I probably screwed up that talk and will do it better a dozen times, but it was the beginning of a dialogue that I hope will build a foundation for a healthier perspective. {Full disclosure, I wrote this 2 weeks ago and as I was editing this morning my 6 year old asked me to read my 'story' to him. I tried to talk him out of it, that period shame still in the back of my mind. He persevered and we had yet another dialogue about female bodies.}As I do my research to tackle these conversations with my kids {and maybe myself} here are some resources you may find helpful as well!
