Breast Cancer Awareness Month :: Ellen's story
Editor's note: We are humbled to share the story of Ellen Roberts with you, dear readers. How do you capture not only a woman's battle with breast cancer but the hard truth that it has impacted her dream of motherhood? Love on her. Listen. Be a support. Our contributor, Danielle Smith of Fresh Fettle Fashion Events + Consulting did an impeccable job. To Ellen: We honor the fight, strength and courage you gifted us with.
Ellen is your typical 30-something young woman. Funny, warm, enjoys flashbacks of 90s music, yet she is part of a select group of women that developed ductual carcinoma breast cancer in her early 30s.
{According to breastcancer.org: 1 in 228 women in their 30s have the probability of developing invasive breast cancer within the next 10 years.}
So what do you do when breast cancer strikes after your 31st birthday?
Thanks to the support of family and friends, Ellen faced the reality head-on that she would have her breast removed. A short time following, she endured the sweeping blow requiring her ovaries, 3 lymph nodes, cervix, and uterus be removed as well. Though she would save her own life, Ellen learned she wouldn't be able to gather any of her eggs prior to surgery. Thus crushing her ability have children of her own one day.
"You lose your breast, you lose everything that makes you female... and it's hard," says Ellen.
So many of us that are blessed to be mothers must remember that even on our hardest days with the kids, it's the dream of millions of women.
"I have not come to terms with not having kids yet. It's a piece I want to be okay with it, but that was my primary goal. More than having any job. I just can't ever have that feeling of something being created and growing inside of me."
My heart breaks from Ellen's pain. What I love about her though is she accepts the sympathy and quickly redirects the conversation to how we can help her and other breast cancer patients.
What helped? Beginning therapy, telling her story, and remembering her journey to fight wasn't going to be the same as another woman. No survivor's story is ever devalued.
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We're in it together.
Ellen advice to other breast cancer patients is to "Fight for what you feel is right. And listen to your heart." She hopes her story may help women trying to navigate doctors, treatments, health insurance, and employer relations.
We were floored at some of the unspoken ways some employers quietly "handle" women in recovery. Unemployment and the financial hardships aren't always discussed once October's awareness month has ended. Many of those fighters are turning their attention to the upcoming holiday season. We supporters must listen to what the individual in our lives who works toward recovery feels is best. I find it hard to know what to say or do once I'm in the presence of a loved one or friend that's ill. Ellen suggests to simply ask what you can do: "Can I bring you a meal, wash your hair, pick up bandages, come watch a movie with you?"
It gets really lonely, because people don't know what to say. And they don't want to say the wrong thing. It's ok to ask What would you like? What do you need?"
Be specific. Don't be afraid.
"Not one person I know with breast cancer is afraid to talk about what's happening. But people around them are afraid to talk about what's happening." says Ellen. I asked if there were any don'ts for friends and family members who desire to be supportive. "There aren't very many dont's. But definitely don't distance yourself because you don't know what to say."
I was curious to know her thoughts of the day-to-day waking up and seeing yourself in the mirror. Do you still know you're beautiful? Do you still view yourself as feminine even if you're not there 100% emotionally? Ellen is getting there at her own pace: "I don't feel pretty. I don't feel beautiful most of the time. It's coming. I want that. And the strength is coming back!"
Breast Cancer Awareness Month is incredible in that it generates a dialogue and brings attention to so many of us. But once this month has ended, may we all take the time to pause and show love to one of our fellow sisters. A simple gesture reminds that they are an important piece of our heart and beautiful in every way.
Special thanks to:The Pink Ribbon Connection for connecting us with Ellen. Boomerang Boutique for providing the shirt and earrings by Felicia Tees for this photo shoot.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Danielle Smith is a momma of 2, wife, and incredibly talented stylist. You’ll find her masking as Fresh Fettle Fashion Events and Creative Consulting and we’ve loved working with her since Day 1 when she dragged, er, encouraged some of our mommas on-camera with Sherman Burdette, Fox59 and Macy’s Greenwood Mall. Danielle will be gracing thecitymoms.org on a regular basis with styling tips, suggestions and articles.
ABOUT THE PHOTOGRAPHER: Man alive we loved working with Carissa Hawkins, a local Indy mom who wasn’t afraid to pump Beyonce during our swimsuit shoot and had her 2 kiddos scooting around as helpers. She opened her gorgeous home to us for this month’s project and has a great eye behind the lens. Find her work at her website and stay tuned for last-minute openings via her Facebook page. Oh and please tell her we said hi!