The challenges of 'mom dating' and finding your tribe
Mom dating - gah! We know this convo well. How DO you find your tribe? We're feeling all the feels as CityMom Heather tackles this topic today...
If you had told me 10 years ago that at 33 years old I would be hanging out at PTO events and playgrounds, hoping to find that perfect “mom friend” to hang out with, I would have thought you were crazy.Gone are the days that the only thing you needed to have in common with your friends is if you can stay up past 10pm and if you like to party. Making friends as an adult is hard, and adding in the “Mom Friend” title is almost impossible. Moms not only have to find friends who are compatible with them, but often their kids and families as well. You never understand the importance of having a mom tribe until you are one and need one.
Finding your mom tribe is a lot like dating romantically, only 100 times harder.
Depending on the type of "relationship" you are looking for, it can be tough. Finding someone that you mesh well with isn't the tough part- it's finding someone who fits in with your entire family dynamic and lifestyle. I've found that the older my oldest son gets, the harder it becomes as well. He is also getting to the age that friends aren't just friends because they're kids around his age. He's beginning to form friendships based on personalities, interests, etc, which means that friends he's grown up with may not be someone he's dying to hang out with on a regular basis anymore. This also means "mom dating" some of his friends' moms in hopes of forming a friendship with them.
Mom dating feels a lot like you're back in high school, hoping that cute boy you passed in the hallway asks you to the dance.
You find a mom you "like", and ask her on a playdate, or if you're really brave, a mom's night out. The first time I asked another mom out on a playdate was when my oldest was in preschool. In this particular preschool you had to go into their classrooms to pick them up, which was always chaos. We both had other children, including babies, that had to be brought in with us, and it was all we both had to get in, get the kids and all their stuff out to the car and load all of them back up. My son was constantly talking about her son who was in his class, and I knew we needed to get them together. However, since drop off and pick up were so chaotic, I had to get creative. When I say that mom dating is a lot like high school, I am not joking. I wrote my name and phone number down on a piece of paper and handed it to her in passing at the preschool. We both laughed about it later, because she had been thinking the same thing I had, but we had no real way to communicate, other than passing notes in the preschool hallway. Obviously, in this particular instance, she text me later that afternoon, but just like romantic dating, you sit in anticipation for that text, wondering if you just embarrassed yourself or if she would actually call.Along with the anxiety of asking for that first "mom date" comes the wait after your date. Mom dating can turn an otherwise fairly confident women into an insecure, awkward mess. Will she call? Did the kids behave? Do her kids like my kids? Did we have enough in common? What's worse is when it doesn't work out one way or the other, and you have to see the person at school functions, in the neighborhood, or sporting events. There's always that awkwardness that never seems to go away, and the fear that the other person would ask to go on another "date".
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In today's world of "mommy shaming", I feel like moms are the most judged group of people. If you're lucky, you will find a mom friend who is not amongst those people, however, you unfortunately won't know until you get to know them. While looking into mom groups, I ran across one that a few co-workers were members of, and when I went to get information to join, I was informed that I lived on the wrong side of the interstate {and a series of scenes straight out of Mean Girls}. My husband still jokes about this, because this is "mom dating" in a nutshell. When I finally found theCityMoms it was a breath of fresh air, and I passed their name off to another friend who was also having issues finding a solid "mom tribe."Finding a judgment free zone with other moms is crucial, and you definitely have that with them. Your mom tribe will be some of the most important people in your life, and even though it's tough to find sometimes, it's well worth the journey to find them.
theCityMoms are ‘not your average moms group’ and represent the largest social and support network for moms in the greater Indianapolis area. We host up to 15 different events weekly for our members to connect at, including exclusive sneak peeks, playdates, moms night out and fitness classes. Try our new #tCMGetFit series where we visit a new studio each month to ‘Find Your Fit.’ Use one of our member-exclusive perks or discounts to businesses around town. Or simply use our digital forum for the support you crave between in-person meetups. However you need theCityMoms, we’re here for you. Signup for your free 14-day trial to theCityMoms today.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Heather Frankford lives in Noblesville with her husband, 2 kids and 2 dogs. She is the owner and creator of Suburban Boy Mom, a lifestyle blog, and enjoys DIY projects and decorating her home.Heather is fueled by Starbucks coffee and enjoys bad reality tv when the kids go to bed.
