Level up your self-care: How to date yourself with Aisha Rose
Editor’s Note: February is often called the “love month” and focuses almost exclusively on external relationships. Self-care and self-love queen Aisha Rose returns to theCityMoms to divulge how dating yourself may be the most fulfilling relationship you can pursue this year.
“Date yourself first” has easily become a cliché phrase, but that doesn’t decrease the necessity and benefits of doing it. Over the years, in my previous married life and now in my renewed single life, dating myself has remained a constant in my self-care toolkit.
Photographer credit: Martina Drea
Why solo dates?
During my marriage, there were things I wanted to do that my partner didn’t. At first, I resented the fact that he didn’t want to enjoy those things with me, but then I allowed my mindset to shift. It’s okay for me to have my own experiences and enjoy them without him. I didn’t want to lose out on those things. After our divorce, I went through a journey of self-discovery to find and redefine my interests. One way I did this was by making a list of things I wanted to try and places I wanted to go. Then, I started doing them!
GET TO KNOW AISHA IN OUR 2022 FEATURE:
It’s good for you!
It can become easy to deprioritize alone time or rely on someone else to take you out, especially when navigating identities as a wife, mom, or even a single woman. This won’t look the same for everyone, but taking solo dates can empower independence, prioritize quality alone time, and give you an excuse to incorporate luxury into your everyday life. It gives you a chance to reconnect with yourself in a planned and intentional way. You’re literally putting yourself on the calendar and sticking to it!
Here’s a list of a few solo dates I enjoy and prioritize:
1. Coffee dates
I love to find new coffee shops to check out. Even if you aren’t a coffee person, they usually offer a relaxing ambiance and have options like tea, specialty drinks, and food. These shops are my go-to spots to focus and get some personal work done. I also go there to reflect, journal, or process my therapy sessions in a neutral space.
(Psst…Indy mamas, check out our 5 fave coffee spots here!)
2. Take yourself out to dinner
I am absolutely a foodie at heart, so eating alone isn’t a problem for me. I know some feel solo dining is lonely, but I encourage you to try it! Make your own rules by having a meal with yourself. You can choose to have a peaceful quiet meal, make friends at the bar, or chat with the staff in depth about the menu. You can scroll on your phone as much as you want or put it on DND and people-watch or read a book. You can even try the menu! Take your time because you’re on no one’s time but your own.
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3. Body care dates
Caring for your body is true self-care. I prioritize listening to my body and understanding what I need. When I divorced, I treated myself to my first massage and enjoyed it so much that I signed up for a monthly membership. That was almost four years ago, and I still keep that monthly appointment. I also started to regularly attend fitness classes and hired a personal trainer. For that hour, I focus on my body, and my goals, and pushing myself to accomplish things I didn’t think I could do. These may not seem like traditional “dates,” but again, this is time that you have dedicated to yourself.
4. Try something new
Is there something you always wanted to learn? Make it a date! Candle-pouring classes or sip-and-paint workshops are ways I’ve channeled learning something new. And it doesn’t have to be with a group. Local businesses usually host classes, and you can sign up and go. One thing I’m hoping to explore this year is pottery making (yes, definitely a “Ghost” movie fan!).
As you can see, I’ve made dating myself my own.
It’s rooted in who I am and the things I enjoy. I encourage you to incorporate this into your life regularly, whether it’s monthly or quarterly. If you’re in a discovery time where you aren’t sure where to start or what you enjoy, this is also a great excuse to try new things until you figure it out. Individual quality time, independence, and reconnecting with yourself are the main priorities. No matter your relationship status with others, I hope you feel empowered to improve your relationship with yourself. You don't need to wait on anyone else to treat you, date you, or simply have a good time.
Aisha Rose is a mother, creative, writer, marketer, and energy goddess.
Aisha Rose has over eight years of experience in the marketing industry and now works at a Fortune 500 company. Helping people is at the core of almost everything she does. That is what ignited her creation of The Strength of SHE, a women's empowerment community that encourages black women to be well, be loved, and be you.
She utilizes her social media platform and blog to highlight and elevate messages of self-care, self-love, and self-awareness. She recently published two journals: The Healing Journal, to help people ground themselves in self-discovery through healing, and Reflections and Manifestations Journal, to enable people to see month-to-month growth and progress in their goals, reflections, and manifestations set for the year.
Aisha is a go-to resource for showing others how self-care fits their daily lives. People regularly seek her recommendations in places to visit and products to use, to live better. She has partnered with HauteRevolt Cosmetics, Aqua-Tots Swim School, Massage Heights Indy, and Fabletics.
