Last Baby - theCityMoms

They say you know when your family is complete. You must just have this heart-is-full feeling, like your arms fit perfectly around your kids and there’s simply no room for another. You’ve had your last baby.

Or I don’t know, maybe being pregnant again makes you want to vom and the idea of being outnumbered by children sends you running for the hills. Whatever, at least you know you’re done.

But what if you don’t know for sure? I have two adorable kiddos, a three year old daughter named Annabelle and a 14 month old son Leo. Before I was a mom I always said I wanted two kids, a boy and a girl. I got my wish, so I’m done. . . YAY, that was easy!

Wait, shouldn’t I feel done… like done, done. Like the wise people say?

Does it mean something if I don’t feel like ralphing at the idea of being pregnant again, going through child birth, and enduring all those sleepless nights for a third time? I loved being pregnant and {knock on wood} have a history of easy childbirths. But does this mean I’m truly open to broadening my family for real? Hey, there’s a big difference between fantasizing about baby names {isn’t Finn a cute name?}, tiny baby clothes and decorating a nursery, and actually removing the goalie to take the ultimate, no going back plunge.

I love my little family and the growing relationship I see forming between my babies. I’m happy and would be content living with this family dynamic for the rest of my life. I came from a family of two and so did my husband, this is all we know. A third would definitely be unchartered territory for us and it’s a little scary not knowing what it could be like. Being outnumbered as parents makes me a bit weary. Ba-bye man to man defense, hello chaos.

The world is built for four 
A friend of mine once said; “Let’s face it, the world is built for a family of four.” She’s right. Everything gets a little more difficult with that odd number, or anything greater than that. Getting a table at a restaurant, fitting three car seats into a car, riding in an airplane, and paying for family vacations will all be more challenging with a party of five.

What gives me pause on this topic the most is the times when we’re rushing around the house trying to leave for church. THIS is when I think a third might actually be a freaking nightmare. I mean, getting coats and shoes on, doing a last minute potty break, and packing snacks is stressful enough when you’re running behind {and we’re ALWAYS running behind}. Just think about the times when someone blows out their diaper while being carried to the car, or another decides this is the moment she wants to put her shoes and socks on ALL BY HERSELF and will have a major meltdown if you try to do it for her or rush her along. Omg, when sweat is beading along my hair line and I hear myself turning into a super yelly version of myself, this is when my husband says with disgust; “And you want another one?”

MAJOR EYE ROLL and a feeling at the pit of my stomach that says; maybe he’s right to say that with such contempt… 

And yet, knowing all the difficulties that come with expanding my family, why am I staring a little too longingly at the preggo in the mall? Why are my eyes magnets to newborn babies when I see them?

MORE READING: My hardest goodbye: A story of miscarriage and heartbreak

It’s all weaning’s fault
For one, I’m just finishing up weaning my son at 14 months and I’m freaking sad about it. I remember wanting another as soon as I weaned Annabelle because I was sad that our breastfeeding journey was over. But I quickly remembered I could drink 3 glasses of wine on a Friday night {hey, that’s normal} and not fear I was getting my baby tipsy in the A.M. WHAHOO, FREEDOM! So I got over the baby fever fast! Ha! These days, this mama is nearly tapped out, so I’m waiting to see if that feeling of relief comes back after we’ve had our last nurse to sleep together. *Tears*

I just purchased a new children’s book for my son called “Love You Forever” about a mom who has a newborn son and she rocks him to sleep every night singing to him; “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m here, my baby you’ll be.” And it shows him growing up and how she still wants to rock him and sing that song to him nightly. And then in the end she’s an old woman who is sick and ailing, and her grown son rocks her and sings to her; “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m here, my mommy you’ll be.” MORE TEARS!

Annnnnd this is the kind of thing that makes me want to toss that goalie and go for a third!  I don’t know, there’s a lot to consider with expanding a family. Life WILL get harder. I will lose more hair. I will struggle to lose the baby weight. And I’ll be lucky if life is ever going to be about ME again. But with all that in mind, I often stare at my rapidly growing little man and I think to myself; Leo baby, are you my last?

Hey Mamas, how did you know you were ready for a third baby? Was it harder going from 1 to 2 or 2 to 3? 

Courtney Rice headshot _ theCityMomsABOUT THE AUTHOR:

These days Courtney Rice is a stay at home mom waffling with the decision to keep being a SAHM or go back to work. She wants to go back to work and make a brag-worthy paycheck, wear super cute clothes, say smart things, and go to Mexican for lunch with co-workers. The problem with this is she doesn’t want to actually go to work or wake up before 7:00am. Annnd she’ll be sad to leave her little guy in daycare about the time when he starts walking and talking a little.

So for now Courtney is a SAHM enjoying time with daughter Annabelle, and little man Leo who is the cutest, smiliest baby boy in all the land.